An Open Letter to God: Michael Moore

Sunday, August 31st, 2008

Dear God,

The other night, the Rev. James Dobson’s ministry asked all believers to pray for a storm on Thursday night so that the Obama acceptance speech outdoors in Denver would have to be cancelled.

I see that You have answered Rev. Dobson’s prayers — except the storm You have sent to earth is not over Denver, but on its way to New Orleans! In fact, You have scheduled it to hit Louisiana at exactly the moment that George W. Bush is to deliver his speech at the Republican National Convention.

Now, heavenly Father, we all know You have a great sense of humor and impeccable timing. To send a hurricane on the third anniversary of the Katrina disaster AND right at the beginning of the Republican Convention was, at first blush, a stroke of divine irony. I don’t blame You, I know You’re angry that the Republicans tried to blame YOU for Katrina by calling it an “Act of God” — when the truth was that the hurricane itself caused few casualties in New Orleans. Over a thousand people died because of the mistakes and neglect caused by humans, not You.

Some of us tried to help after Katrina hit, while Bush ate cake with McCain and twiddled his thumbs. I closed my office in New York and sent my entire staff down to New Orleans to help. I asked people on my website to contribute to the relief effort I organized — and I ended up sending over two million dollars in donations, food, water, and supplies (collected from thousands of fans) to New Orleans while Bush’s FEMA ice trucks were still driving around Maine three weeks later.

But this past Thursday night, the Washington Post reported that the Republicans had begun making plans to possibly postpone the convention. The AP had reported that there were no shelters set up in New Orleans for this storm, and that the levee repairs have not been adequate. In other words, as the great Ronald Reagan would say, “There you go again!”

So the last thing John McCain and the Republicans needed was to have a split-screen on TVs across America: one side with Bush and McCain partying in St. Paul, and on the other side of the screen, live footage of their Republican administration screwing up once again while New Orleans drowns.

So, yes, You have scared the Jesus, Mary and Joseph out of them, and more than a few million of your followers tip their hats to You.

But now it appears that You haven’t been having just a little fun with Bush & Co. It appears that Hurricane Gustav is truly heading to New Orleans and the Gulf coast. We hear You, O Lord, loud and clear, just as we did when Rev. Falwell said You made 9/11 happen because of all those gays and abortions. We beseech You, O Merciful One, not to punish us again as Pat Robertson said You did by giving us Katrina because of America’s “wholesale slaughter of unborn children.” His sentiments were echoed by other Republicans in 2005.

So this is my plea to you: Don’t do this to Louisiana again. The Republicans got your message. They are scrambling and doing the best they can to get planes, trains and buses to New Orleans so that everyone can get out. They haven’t sent the entire Louisiana National Guard to Iraq this time — they are already patrolling the city streets. And, in a nod to I don’t know what, Bush’s head of FEMA has named a man to help manage the federal government’s response. His name is W. Michael Moore. I kid you not, heavenly Father. They have sent a man with both my name AND W’s to help save the Gulf Coast.

So please God, let the storm die out at sea. It’s done enough damage already. If you do this one favor for me, I promise not to invoke your name again. I’ll leave that to the followers of Rev. Dobson and to those gathering this week in St. Paul.

Your faithful servant and former seminarian,

Michael Moore

mail Michael

MichaelMoore.com

P.S. To all of God’s fellow children who are reading this, the city New Orleans has not yet recovered from Katrina. Please click here for a list of things you can do to help our brothers and sisters on the Gulf Coast. And, if you do live along the Gulf Coast, please take all necessary safety precautions immediately.

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About Bolshy

Blogging in the ether to see if that elusive literary agent or publisher wants some new talent.
This entry was posted in Blogroll, Christianity, Comment, Conservatives, Democrats, Liberal, Liberal Democrats, Personal philosophy, Politics, Sociology and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

0 Responses to An Open Letter to God: Michael Moore

  1. eksith says:

    Haaah!

    Will, you forgot to put http:// in front of the link to Michael Moor’s home page.

  2. Will Rhodes says:

    Cheers! Corrected 🙂

  3. rkf says:

    Headlines:

    An Ill Wind that Blows Nobody any Good?

    A huff and a puff and away they went

    George Bush, Dick Cheney, blown off of the stage

    God truly moves in mysterious ways

    His wonders to perform

    Gone with the wind

    Gustav has spoken,

    The ripples of sand on a quiet beach

    Pounded by Gustav, and battered by storm

    The wind dies down, and the waters recede

    The beach is as smooth as a baby’s ass

    The sea as calm as the top of your glass

    God surely is on the side of the Republicans. He must have had the date of the Republican Convention in mind, and he surely understood that the Republicans needed some help.

    No wooden poles on stage to play against the back drop of the Convention of Democrats, which would play out poorly by comparison.

    And no Sarah Palin on stage to espouse the cause of women, promote Juno, and give more voice to the die hard right.

    And where is McCain?

    Gone with the wind.

    He will now come back as a nominee by Satellite, having compromised his campaign, for the benefit of the American people being hounded by Gustav.

    A stroke of genius. Now if only he could get another Gustav to blow away his veep, all would be well.

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